Separate Your Axes

A lot of sticky parenting problems get easier to work on if you separate things that we assume go together. I feel very smart for having delineated twelve double-ended axes of parenting, but really I just said "examine your assumptions" with a lot of extra steps.
  
There's a lot written about autistic children needing routine provided by their families strictly adhering to a planned schedule every week, every day, every hour. But the actual support some autistic people need is being clearly notified of changes ahead of time, like a breakfast discussion of, "We'd planned to go to the lake this afternoon, but the weather forecast means that will probably be unpleasant so we'll try again Wednesday" and easy-going acceptance that they will show some emotions about it.
  
Sometimes we avoid yelling at a family member by keeping our voice quiet, but we're still trying to chastise, control, or judge them for breaking the plate or spawning too many chickens on the Minecraft server or whatever.
 
Photo ID: Four diagrams, each is a three-axis graph.
  1. The red X-axis goes from "Support" to "Neglect, the black Y-axis goes from "Disorganization" to "Routine", the blue Z-axis goes from "Accepting" to "Judging"
  2. The purple X-axis goes from "Energetic" to "Lethargic", the brown Y-axis goes from "Subdued" to "Flamboyant", the green Z-axis goes from "Authentic" to "Self-Restrained"
  3. The grey X-axis goes from "Chastise" to "Approve", the grey Y-axis goes from "Quiet" to "Loud", the light blue Z-axis goes from "Relaxed" to "Controlling"
  4. The lavender X-axis goes from "Strict" to "Permissive", the pink Y-axis goes from "Modern" to "Traditional", the lime Z-axis goes from "Authentic" to "Self-restrained"
In case anyone else wants to play with this idea, following is an easy to copy-paste list. One day I'll probably re-do this picture with a consistent part of speech and more consistency about what correlates with the negative directions.

Disorganization vs Routine
Support vs Neglect
Accepting vs Judging

Energetic vs Lethargic
Subdued vs Flamboyant
Authentic vs Self-restrained

Chastise vs Approve
Quiet vs Loud
Relaxed vs Controlling

Strict vs Permissive
Modern vs Traditional
Collaborative vs Hierarchical 


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